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This week, we’re talking about the things that get in the way of our raising free people practice. There are many, but today, I’m highlighting three primary ones, poor baggage handling, systemic racism, and partner problem. I’m explaining each of these as I understand them, and I’m encouraging you to comment on this show notes page, or on social media using the #raisingfreepeople tag to talk about how you navigate, intercept, or completely shed the effects of any of these three effective barriers. Whether you’re homeschooling, unschooling, or simply shifting your relationship to one that embodies more conscious parenting and living, let’s work through these together!
I pivot away from systemic racism by staying away from the system as much as I can, for example I learn to use and trust nutrition and nature in protecting and healing my mind and body instead of relying on hospitals, insurance & pharmaceuticals. I dismantle systemic racism by practicing indigenous mindset of abundance and by intentionally giving my privilege (attention, money, trust, energy etc) to cultures, people and systems of color/indigeneity.
Poor Baggage handling: I create space to do the work by taking time (hours, days, weeks) before I communicate thoughts I feel strongly (negative) about. I put positive thoughts and actions between my feelings and my response, I wait till I find the feelings and words I can proudly and confidently communicate without insulting her/anyone else I am dealing with. I think about the root of my feelings & reactions. I apologize when I feel I belittled her or when I realize I dumped my issues on to her. I explain myself to best of my ability and let it be, we can revisit later if it seems it need reiteration or clarification. I make room for difference of opinion. I don’t expect obedience. I speak up and take actions that align with my intuition not my habits… for example I do not want to honor my grandparents’ memory by going to church, I understand that they were Christian and that it’s what the family has done for decades but finding my own way of honoring them makes me feel more free, empowered and connected with my and their spirits (& less weighed down by who-knows-who’s baggage), even though it means being seen as a selfish outcast by my earthly loved ones. I take full responsibility for my intuition and I am releasing other’s agency and baggage over my decisions.
Partner Problems: looking back I believe leaving my daughter’s abusive father is what made me realize the importance of raising free people. When I left him I did not want to control, force, or manipulate their relationship. I wanted her to be free of our baggage and to feel empowered in developing her relationship with both her parents and extended family. Of course I set boundaries that were necessary for her and my safety, and those change as she is able to speak her thoughts and wants. My approach basically set the foundation for her and my right to decide to unschool/self-direct. At first I sent a lot of information to him and others in the family who did not agree with unschooling but when I realized that the information not ignored and that there was no effort being made to see my perspective I stopped trying to convince, instead we deal with issues/comments when they come and we allow them to witness and develop their own relationship with an unschooling us.