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podcastSeason 8

Ep. 249: U for Understanding

By April 28, 2022One Comment

Audio Producer

Juan P. Perez

Co-producer

Fatima Mookadam

Writer

Daniela Gutiérrez Páez

This week we’re focused on the letter U for understanding in our P.A.U.S.E.werk. Listen as we talk about the language of conscious parenting, the difference between dialogue and discussion, and then some.

Domari and Akilah take us through some of their noticings about how understanding and control impact their relationships, and not just as mothers. Also, be ready for an insightful convo about an Instagram post where Ieishah Clelland (our Season 7 Co-Producer) questioned gentle parenting as a privilege. Akilah cites Dr. Sundiata’s distinction between dialogue and discussion as we question our relationship with understanding, and with discomfort. So much goodness in here! Pull out your pause pad and join us.

Madd Question Askin’ Understanding Essay for people committed to Raising Free People

There is a link between Understanding and control, and in our efforts to become more partner-centered parents and caregivers,

we’ve got to look into that link.

Control is not inherently a negative thing,

but when control is our goal and we don’t even realize it,

we can demand things from children

in the name of understanding,

when really what we’re after is a sense of control.

Control is comforting.

Control feels like certainty,

yet comfort and certainty aren’t always what’s needed in a relationship.

Is it a child’s job to be controllable?

Is it a child’s job to give us a sense of certainty?

How do we impact children when we don’t understand something they do?

And how much of our need to understand is tied to our desire to feel

like we’re in control and we’re sure about what’s going on?

When are my efforts to control a child appropriate?

and when are they more about my lack of understanding?

Here’s a resource for working through the questions and feelings you will face as you let yourself ask better questions:

Restorative Justice and Conscious Parenting workshop. Happening Sunday, May 1st. Be ready for interactive exercises and group discussions, where we’ll learn the roots of restorative justice work, the basics of the restorative process, and how this supports your conscious parenting process, harm caused by supremacy culture, and other oppressive systems.

Discomfort is a significant part of understanding

Shout out to Ieishah who put this on the table and made us inquire about our relationship to discomfort. Ieishah reflects on conscious parenting and gentle parenting. Is our capacity for gentle parenting or to treat humans like humans impacted by our access to resources? Is gentle parenting a privilege?

“Wake me when we’re done using terms like gentle/conscious/respectful parenting as descriptors for “doing our best to treat vulnerable humans like humans.” – Ieishah Clelland

Think that certain parenting styles and adequate resources are influenced by a settler-colonial framework, some people have the privilege of accessing these resources but most are struggling. Ieishah makes an invitation on being more mindful about the ways we might recreate intimate entanglements with capitalism and white supremacy.

“Will we be closer to liberation when everyone has access to adequate resources?” – Ieishah Clelland

“You don’t have to agree with someone to respect their right to have their opinion.” – Domari

More madd question askin:

  • What is your relationship to understanding?
  • What is the impact, or what are the types of impact coming from your relationship with understanding?
  • What is the difference between understanding and approving/liking something?

Make sure that you join us next week in our live chat. Here is the link for the next listening party!

LIBERATION WALK

  • Share some thoughts and press that “Leave a Voice Message” button on the right side or email Akilah and speak about some of your own examples of what you’re noticing about yourself and people in your own community around understanding at she@raisingfreepeople.com
  • Give us some feedback about this episode, reflect inside FOFC Village, or directly in our Make It Happen Family on Patreon
  • Subscribe to Akilah’s Youtube Channel
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